Slowly but surely, the fog is lifting.

As in, “that nasty confluence of congestion, phlegm, coughing, and occasional fever that’s been tormenting me off and on for two weeks now” fog.

Which is good, because I’ve been seriously debating which body parts I might lob off to encourage whatever-this-is to leave my body once and for all.

Now I don’t have to. Because this fog is lifting.

Being down, less energetic, and more motivated to find a comfortable position to sleep does have its perks: you think a lot more. You read a bit. And then you think some more.

Browsing some of the other blogs I like to follow, there’s an interesting trend on resolutions. Loud declarations of changes they want to make for the better, sometimes dramatic in scale, which they say they hope will keep them accountable to not letting go of this resolution. And if that helps them, that’s great.

I haven’t made any resolutions at all this year.

I used to; it was a standing sort of resolution that would flow from year to year: keep up the good work. The logic being, if I’m still standing and breathing on my own at the close of the year, then I must have done something right. So just keep on keeping on.

Instead of a resolution to speed up or slow down, exercise every day without fail, find the perfect pair of jeans or reorganize every closet in the house, I’d rather challenge myself. To avoid the temptations of the big, grand gestures. And take little steps where I can.

Big gestures are like heroin to me. Every now and then I’m possessed with an impulse to make a multi-course meal for a party of eight. Or strip a bathroom of wallpaper, re-paint and re-accessorize in the time it takes my husband to leave and return from a duck-hunting trip. And if I’m feeling really feisty: swap out a light fixture while I’m at it.

In many ways, we’ve become programmed to believe in the attainability of big, grand gestures. Think of all the “reality” shows that promise dramatic weight loss, happily ever afters, or brand new homes. All in 60 minutes or less.

It’s not going to be easy to not declare, “this will be the year of [fill in with whatever].” And I respect and admire those who find these big, grand gestures are just what they need to shift their life’s direction to a path they desire. For me, there’s this realization that the days will tick on towards the end of 2012 whether or not I move one iota towards completing any resolution. There’s the disappointing awareness that it’s all too easy to speed towards meeting some self-imposed deadline without enjoying what it takes to get there. This happened recently with an order of chocolate lava cake, and I still cry a little bit about it. If something’s worth doing, then enjoying what it takes to do it is just as worthwhile. And that will be my challenge. Oy, will that ever be a challenge.

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